parsley

*** just for fun, see how many references to comic books I can make in this piece, it will be more interesting than actually reading it.

No one ever writes songs about sidekicks, nor are they ever the ones who get the girl. Sure they might lend a helping hand here and there, but really they’re just there for light comic relief and exclamatory lines such as “Jiminy jillickers”. Now that I think about it, sidekicks are the predecessors to token black guy in teen movies who also functions for light comic relief and exclamatory lines such as “Day-yuum” and “that’s whack”.

That being said, I love the sidekick. Maybe it’s my personal underdoggish ways subconsciously seeking a like-minded person to reveal my underdoggish secrets to. Or maybe it’s my Australian underdoggish convict ways seeking a like-minded person to steal things with. Or maybe…yeah I don’t know.

Sidekicks, they’re like the parsley that adds colour to your creamy creamy butter pumpkin soup served at the Press Club. “Oh”, you will exclaim, “how delightful.” You will marvel at the ability of a single green sprout to complete a dish so. But upon tasting the actual soup you will think to yourself, “this is the bomb, the shit!” and spoon the parsley aside in order to gain greater access. You will also consider lifting the bowl off the table and chugging the thing down like you did with congee when you were five and lived in China.

And that’s the thing with sidekicks. They complete the story in exactly the same way that parsley completes a pumpkin soup. Sure you can have the soup without it, but something just wouldn’t feel right. The soup will taste the same- just as creamy, just as pumpkin-y and just as awesome, but as the last spoonful of golden goodness enters your mouth you can’t help but feel like something’s missing. Just like in the stories, for the split second that the sidekick rescues the hero you will think, “Wow! You are great! I want to have your babies!” But as soon as you get a taste for the true awesome powers of the hero, the sidekick will be brushed aside scooped out and dumped on the extra soft three-ply serviettes, its previous glory long gone. But no more, I say! Here today on the World Wide Web is a tribute to the unsung heroes of this cruel and unjust world. Sidekicks, you may not be as good looking or intelligent or as strong as the main character, but you in your own ways - you complete them.

As for me, I’ve never actually dined at the Press Club before, but when I do, let pumpkin soup be what I order. And if they so happen to add the superfluous yet undeniably essential lone sprout of parsley, super.



wolfs. lover of soup